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Will my Intended Parents Attend the Birth?

Surrogacy is giving the gift of life to Intended Parents who for one reason or the other are not able to have their own children. Now it is one thing to give this gift and another for the actual process of giving to take place. Giving birth is a unique experience that every mother can never forget. For Intended Parents (IPS), this is the time when they welcome their child. They would definitely love to be in the room when their child is being delivered. This is an experience they will never have and so when they are in that room they get to see life being given first hand.

The bond

For Intended Parents to be in the room during delivery is dependent on the relationship they had with the surrogate. How strong is the bond? If you are very close and the surrogate allowed them to be part of the entire process then it would only be fair for them to be part of the climax.

Type of surrogacy

There are two types of Surrogacy. Traditional and gestational. In Gestational Surrogacy, there are Egg Donors often involved. Alternatively, the egg is used from the Intended Mother. This means there is no direct connection between the Surrogate Mother and the child. Since with Traditional Surrogacy, the source of the egg is not from the Intended Mom or an Egg Donor, the mother and child are related and can easily connect. Therefore, depending on the connection between the Surrogate Mother and the baby, the Intended Parents might speak to the hospital letting them know the situation and ask to be present during childbirth.

Arrangement

Both the Intended Parents and the Surrogate Mother can make arrangements on how the delivery day will be. You can even agree that the Intended Parents will cut the cord plus if you will share a room with one of them after delivery or they will take another room. Prior arrangement simply makes everything run smoothly with no surprises popping out. Often this arrangement is also solidified in the legal surrogacy agreement.

After birth meeting

People work with what makes them comfortable. For other Intended Parents, they will allow the mother to deliver and simply wait outside the labor room. The baby will be brought to them and after the Surrogate Mother has rested enough both parties can spend time together. There are Surrogate Mothers who might just not want the baby given to Intended Parents without them being present. In that case, the best thing to do is let them recover and then they will give the baby to the IPs. This could be very important for some as it is a symbolic gesture (the act of giving this gift of life is exercised.) The other alternative that would work well under arrangement is the IPs talking to the Surrogate and see what she expects. You should also check the hospital policy concerning delivery. If there is a lactation specialist in the hospital, talk to them for baby feeding suggestions.

At the end of it all what matters is communication. Everyone should communicate their expectations. The Surrogate Mother might ask for some time with the baby, do not fret. This is quite common after all she too has a right to say her goodbye and do so with her whole heart.