Tough Topic: Termination Views
Oh, the tough topics! I find no one ever wants to talk about the things that are hard to think about, it makes it real when you put words to your thoughts and have to explain yourself to other people. You don’t have that luxury when becoming a surrogate mom. These “tough” questions are necessary and you must know where you stand and your values so you match with Intended Parents who are agreeable with your stand or views on the important issues!
For me, a very important tough topic is termination! No one likes to think about the “what if” something is wrong with the baby or there are signs of mental or physical disabilities. Reality is that this is a possibility of any pregnancy.
Not my child
I found that I felt much differently then I would if this was my own child. I only care for this child while it’s growing within my body, but I do not raise or care for this child after he/she is born! Taking into account quality of life for the child and the parent’s abilities! I’ve come to terms that this is overall not my decision! I do realize it’s my body and I have to consent to any termination request.
Talking this over with my Intended Parents
Taking into account that I’ve talked extensively about why the IPs would or would not terminate and having faith that they have done their own research and soul-searching about what they are willing or not willing to accept for their future children. A huge factor is a doctor’s recommendations and insight to any abnormalities in a growing fetus. Ultimately, the parents will make that lasting decision!
I am not a murderer!
I do not take termination lightly and nor should anyone, but I have personally decided that the decision to terminate a pregnancy while being a surrogate mom will be left to the Intended Parents and I have made my peace with complying to their wishes,
I have a lot of heart and I sometimes feel like my view on this sounds cold, but I have come to terms with distancing myself from parts of a surrogacy pregnancy that I believe should be left to the parents of the child. Also, I never forget to take into account my own health because I am a mother too, not just a surrogate!