This morning at exactly 8 am on the dot, I awoke to a little boy saying “mommy, mommy, mommy” over and over again until I realized this wasn’t a dream but my toddler trying to get my attention.

 

I slowly opened my eyes and saw the bright morning sun peeking in through my curtains and instantly I felt it. My good friend nausea. I tried to close my eyes, relax and breathe but it was unrelenting.

 

My son grew more irritated at the thought of me going back to sleep and so he came right up to me and tried to sit on my chest. The weight of him made me instantly want to vomit. But I managed to resist and hold back.

 

I decided to give in and got up to get ready for our day. In the other room was my half away pre-schooler who was just starting to stretch out and make her way out of bed.

 

I changed my youngest’s diaper and noticed my sense of smell was especially high today. Nothing like the smell of an overnight diaper filled with urine to wake you up in the morning. I began to feel my stomach churn even more.

 

Soon I was met with questions about what we planned to do today and what I was going to make for breakfast. Truthfully at this point, I was walking down the hall trying to tune them out and focus on my breathing so I wouldn’t puke.

 

I have a thing with throwing up. I get very emotional and would rather do anything but vomit. Some women will throw up and it will be no big deal. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for me. It’s almost like some weird phobia. I.just.can’t.stand.it.

 

Unfortunately, today was one of those days where there was nothing that could be done to stop it and I found myself running down the hall to the bathroom with the kids happily following behind. I spent a good 15 minutes in there and of course, I sobbed the entire time. Even more so because this was the first time my kids were seeing me get sick and it terrified them.

 

My kids and I talk about the baby that is in mommy’s belly and it being the reason why mommy is sometimes so sick. They know that I am a gestational surrogate and that mommy will be giving the baby back to their daddy when he or she is all done growing in my belly.

 

My IP (intended parent) will check in with me daily and ask me how I’m doing and how everything is. Truthfully I keep it hidden about how bad nausea can get. I know it’s only temporary and I don’t want him to feel bad. This is not something that I experienced with my other pregnancies so being naïve, I thought I wouldn’t feel it this time around despite knowing that all pregnancies are different. Thankfully I have amazing prenatal care and my doctor has been helping me make sure it doesn’t get too out of hand.

 

I’m hopeful that once I complete my progesterone shots, that the intensity of the pregnancy symptoms will lessen and the nausea will also disappear.

 

I’m sure the surrogacy journey will become more exciting when I can see more than the toilet bowl.

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