As I take a moment to reflect on Father’s Day, I’m reminded of all the struggles, the highs and lows, the losses, and the sacrifices I have been through over the past 10 years. This is my third Father’s Day with Nanette, but it’s also over a decade in which I decided to start my own family. I have had angels instead of babies through egg donation and surrogacy. I have also been blessed with meeting new people, couples, and single folks who shared my desire for a family. Since starting my consultancy, the community has grown and changed the conversation around surrogacy and egg donation. I’m indebted to my extended network of people who are willing to share their stories.
Single heterosexual men with a desire to start a family
Single men like myself who had a deep desire to raise a family but worried about what other people might say and think. The stigma around being a single dad through surrogacy is still very real and my heart broke when we chatted. “My parents think this is crazy”. “My friends say I should just get a dog”. They worried that they would be on their own without a support network: That no one would sympathize or that they would be mocked. That is why I knew I had to create the space for our voices to be heard and shared. Only by going through with it and sharing our stories can we let other people know that they are not alone. Just this past month, I have been in consultations with four single men who are ready to start their own families.
Single and coupled homosexual men who dream of being parents
While being homosexual has grown in acceptance, there is still the belief that you can’t or shouldn’t raise a family. Many homosexual men, whether through the media or family, have had harmful ideas reinforced such as believing that having a child is wrong and impossible. However, through our outreach, I have met wonderful men who decided to shape their future and go after their goals. Sometimes, I worry that I talk about myself too much and think, “Does anyone really care what I have to say?” But when these men reach out saying they’ve read my blogs, which gave them the confidence to start, I feel that we are making a difference.
Single women struggling with infertility and surrogacy
On Mother’s Day, I talked about how hard that day could be on single fathers. Today is no different for single mothers. Our families are unique and stand out. We don’t always fit into the mold society wants us to play. But aren’t we special because we’ve fought to bring our children into this world? We have sacrificed and we’ve faced uncertainty and doubt. There was a time where I thought I should just give up on my dreams. But I am so happy that I persevered.
My reflection on Father’s Day and my surrogacy community
I look at today, (The third Father’s day with Nanette) and realize I wouldn’t have been complete had I given in and given up. Over this long road, I have come to realize how important it is not only to be there when my community is down but also see them flourish and achieve their dreams. This has become my new lease on life. I want to share the same joy that I have experienced and help them through this journey. What started out as a job has transformed into a calling. I know the word blessed is tossed around way too much on social media. But when I take a moment to step back and see what I’ve accomplished, I’m proud I fought for what I believe in. Whether #Blessed or not, I am hopeful for the future and for all of us.
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